Month: March 2014

[Originally published on Oakville.com.]

Dear Kids,

March Break is here! I’m sure you’re looking forward to a few days off school. Sorry we’re not getting out of town this year – if I’d known the winter would be this cold we might have held off that trip to Mexico last October.

So – especially in the case where we grownups can’t get the whole week off work – what to do? I’ll bet you’d love nothing better than to sleep in and watch cartoons all day, but that doesn’t sit well with us grownups. We want you out in the world doing activities, developing life skills and social integration. Whole industries have developed around kids’ activities. There’s the usual sports camps and arts & crafts, but there are now even more and stranger options. I just saw an ad for a camp in Financial Management – and here those kids thought they were getting time away from Math class.

Hopefully we’ll be able to fit the March Break activities around your usual sports leagues / cheerleading practice / music lessons / tutoring sessions, since they usually take time off too. But then maybe we could get you into some extra goalie training / gymnastics / guitar intensives / real estate seminars to fill in the gaps and keep your skills sharp.

You may be sensing what I’m getting at here. I don’t believe idle hands are the Devil’s playthings, but I do believe in the value of structured activity. At the same time, I grew up in an era when parents were more likely to kick us out of the house for the day, and we had to make up our own activities. Kids don’t roam the neighbourhoods as much these days, so we feel like we have to give you stuff to do to keep your bodies and minds active.

But, whether it’s parents pushing too hard, or merely over-indulging an active kid’s every interest, overscheduling is a real risk. When we take on too many things, even if they’re all meant to be fun, we create stress, which eventually leads to bigger problems. And then that stuff doesn’t seem to be so fun anymore. I remember a night, not too long ago, when after several days of project work, school basketball, football camp, and hockey league, you voluntarily went to bed early, grumbling about a sore back. That might be the best argument against overscheduling: there’s something wrong when a kid starts to behave like an old man.

But we old people have to think about what this is doing to us, too. Already stretched as we are, we’re replacing our precious family time with rushed meals and a constant battle to get to the next thing. We’re handing our lives over to the clock and calendar, losing our individuality as we pile yet again into cars and parental observation areas. When more than half our time is spent rushing home from work to stuff a quick sandwich in you and shuttle you off to ballet, it becomes as if we’re living our lives through you. Of course we do it all out of love, but in the long run I’m not sure that’s the best thing, for us or for you.

I’m not saying that genuine talent shouldn’t be encouraged, or that we should keep you from exploring interesting activities. I just think we need to remember that there is also value in downtime, and even in boredom. Nothing teaches patience and creativity better than having nothing to do. And those are probably the biggest life skills of all.

So this year, maybe we’ll use some March Break time to just relax and hang out. Reconnect over a family dinner or a game of cards. Drive in the car for no other reason than to look at some beautiful scenery. Just take some time to let the buzzing in our ears go away. And maybe once the Break is over, we’ll think about some ways to keep that rolling. Maybe your hands shouldn’t be too idle, but they should at least get a regular chance to rest.

Love,
Dad

[Originally published on Oakville.com.]

Dear Kids,

You might have seen me working at my computer more than usual in the last little while. You might also have heard me saying some of those words I tell you not to use. These two things are connected.

It’s because this is the time of year that’s known as “RRSP Season”. Our Government has some strange rules about money and what you can (or should) do with it. One of them is that if you deposit your money in a “Registered Retirement Savings Plan”, you get a break on the taxes you have to pay every year. You get a couple of months after the end of the year to make your deposit, so here we are, a few days before the deadline. I’m trying to figure out how much money to put in, and which ways to invest it so that it grows faster. But, like a lot of people, I’m not much of an expert on this stuff, so it can be frustrating.

(By the way, I should mention that you still have to pay taxes on that money, just not until later when you take it out of the bank again, usually after you’re retired and don’t work anymore. It’s kind of like the school bully saying “I’m not going to take your lunch money now, but I will be taking it from you one day in Grade 12.”)

I can hear your eyes glazing over as you read this. “Savings accounts and taxes are grownup stuff,” you say. “If it was important for kids I’d be learning it in school.” Don’t get me started. I think you should be taught about it, but it seems there’s no time, what with the Science and Social Studies and your 60 minutes of daily physical activity and everything else. Let me tell you why it’s important.

You know that allowance you get? It’s a few dollars every week that we give you for two reasons. One, it gives you some freedom to spend money on whatever you want, which is fun for you and which stops you and me from getting into arguments when we go to the mall. The second reason is to help you learn what to do when you want something and don’t have enough money to pay for it. Not having enough is usually what we’re arguing over at the mall anyway – I’m just passing the whole issue off to you.

I know you like comic books and candy, but if you buy that stuff all the time you’ll never have enough to get that NHL video game you want “so badly”. You have to save some of your cash every week, and build up those savings until you have the right amount. That takes a long time, and it’s hard to want to save money when your brother is reading Batman and chewing gum.

Well, it’s the same thing for grownups, except we have to prepare for the time in our lives when we don’t go to work anymore. Once we’re retired, the money for our comic books and candy and video games (and other less important stuff like food and shelter) is going to have to come from somewhere.

The problem is, because most of us weren’t taught about money growing up, we’re not so good at saving either. And, because the Government wants us to help ourselves before asking them, they use things like RRSPs and tax breaks to encourage us to save. It seems like an okay idea, even if it feels like the school bully is dragging us to the bank by our ears.

There’s a wise old saying that goes something like this: “If you always spend one dollar less than you earn, you’ll always be rich.” Well, one day you’ll need to know where that one dollar is going to come from. And that’s why you should learn to save.

Love,
Dad